The words you'll hear, in plain language.
This is a reference for terms that come up around OTT and the broader kink scene. It's not a complete list of human kinks (which would be longer than the site can hold) and it's not the dictionary — it's just enough to make sure you're not lost reading the rest of our pages or sitting in your first munch.
If you hear a word and don't see it here, ask. People love explaining. There's no such thing as a dumb question, and most of these words have more than one definition depending on who's using them.
The people
Top. The person doing a thing to another person in a scene — the rope-tier, the spank-giver, the one applying the wax. Not the same as "dominant" (some tops aren't dominant in their dynamics; they just like the doing side of an activity).
Bottom. The person receiving in a scene — being tied, being spanked, being painted in wax. Again, not the same as "submissive."
Switch. Someone who plays both sides. Sometimes scene-by-scene, sometimes within a single scene. There's nothing flaky about being a switch; it's its own orientation.
Dominant / Dom / Domme. Someone whose orientation involves taking authority in a dynamic. "Dom" and "Domme" are gendered variants you'll hear; many dominants just go by "Dom" regardless of gender.
Submissive / sub. Someone whose orientation involves giving authority in a dynamic. Submission isn't passivity — it's a deliberate, active choice that requires its own skill.
Brat. A submissive who plays with resistance, mischief, and earned punishment. Not the same as "uncooperative" — brats are still consenting; they just consent to a specific dynamic.
Brat tamer. A dominant who plays well with brats. The pairing requires a specific kind of patience and humor.
Primal. Someone whose play involves more instinct than negotiation: chasing, biting, growling, wrestling. Primals can be tops or bottoms; the dynamic is more "animal" than "scripted."
Service submissive. A submissive whose primary expression is service — doing things for their dominant, taking pleasure in being useful. Often non-sexual.
Daddy / Mommy / Sir / Mistress / Master. Honorifics used in some D/s dynamics. Means whatever the people in the dynamic say it means. Don't assume what a relationship looks like from the title.
Vanilla. Non-kinky. Not pejorative — your vanilla friends and family are vanilla, and that's fine. We use it to distinguish kinky-context from non-kinky-context.
Kinkster. Casual catch-all for "person who's into kink." Some people love this word, some find it twee. Both reactions are fine.
The dynamics
D/s. Dominance/submission. Power exchange in a relationship or dynamic.
M/s. Master/slave. A specific, intense form of D/s. The terminology has fraught history outside the community; the kink-context use refers to consensual, negotiated dynamics.
TPE. Total Power Exchange. A D/s dynamic where the submissive has given over decision-making authority broadly. Usually 24/7, usually long-term, usually involves a lot of upfront negotiation.
Power exchange. The umbrella for any dynamic where decision-making authority is shared or transferred in a deliberate way.
Dynamic. The ongoing structure between two (or more) people. Distinct from a scene (which is a specific bounded interaction).
Scene partner / play partner. Someone you do scenes with. May or may not be a romantic or sexual partner.
Polyamory / poly. Having more than one romantic relationship, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Different from "open relationship," "swinging," and "non-monogamy" in subtle ways that polyamorous people care about and outsiders often confuse.
Monogamy. Yes, you can be monogamous and kinky. Lots of OTT members are.
The events and spaces
Munch. A clothes-on, conversation-only gathering at a coffee shop or restaurant. Public, casual, welcoming to newcomers. The easiest first step into the community.
Wet munch. Same as a munch, but at a bar. Drinking happens in moderation. Same conversational, clothes-on vibe.
Dungeon. A space designed for kink play. Has equipment (cross, bench, suspension rig), proper lighting, ventilation, aftercare space. Not the medieval kind.
Play space. The area of an event where scenes happen.
Aftercare space. A quieter area, usually near the play space, where players can come down from scenes. Blankets, water, snacks.
The activities
This is an overview; specific activities have their own classes and their own depth.
Scene. A bounded interaction between players. Has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Negotiated in advance.
Play. Synonym for scene, often used more casually.
Negotiation. The conversation before the scene where players agree on what's going to happen, what's off the table, what the safewords are. The skill we keep teaching because it's the skill that prevents most problems.
Aftercare. The care given after a scene. Can be physical (water, blanket, a quiet space) or emotional (talking, being held, being told you did well). Usually given by the top to the bottom but goes both ways.
Rope / shibari. Bondage with rope. "Shibari" is the Japanese-rooted tradition; "rope" is the catch-all.
Impact play. Striking the body with the hand or a tool (flogger, paddle, cane, crop). Usually on the safe-to-strike areas (butt, upper back, thighs); not in the dangerous zones (kidneys, spine, neck).
Sensation play. Working with sensation — temperature (hot, cold), texture (fur, silk, ice), anticipation. Often gentler than impact play.
Edge play. An umbrella term for higher-risk activities — knives, fire, breathplay, blood. The "edge" is what's being played near; the responsibility is correspondingly higher.
Primal play. Animalistic, more instinctive — chasing, biting, scratching, growling. Doesn't usually involve formal scene tools.
Service. The submissive doing things for the dominant — making coffee, polishing boots, preparing meals, holding the umbrella. Can be sexual or completely not.
Ritual. Recurring symbolic actions within a dynamic — kneeling before entering a room, asking permission to leave, wearing a collar. Means whatever the people in the dynamic intend it to mean.
Sensory deprivation. Removing one or more senses — blindfold, headphones, restraint that limits movement. Often combined with other forms of play to deepen them.
Suspension. Tying someone in a way that lifts them off the ground. High-risk activity that requires extensive training; not something we teach in a first-time class.
The principles
Consent. Negotiated, enthusiastic, ongoing, and revocable. "Yes" can be withdrawn at any moment. So can the activity. Consent is what makes kink possible.
Safeword. A pre-agreed word or signal that means "stop the scene." The point of a safeword is that it works even when other words might be part of the scene (e.g., "no" might be a scene word for some couples). Common scheme: green (everything's good), yellow (slow down or check in), red (stop now).
Hard limit. Something you absolutely will not do, ever, with anyone. Hard limits are non-negotiable.
Soft limit. Something you might do but only in specific circumstances, with specific people, with specific framings. Soft limits are negotiable.
RACK. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. The framework that says: everything involves some risk; participants should know it, accept it, and consent to it.
SSC. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. An older framework. Most of us prefer RACK because "safe" is misleading — the question isn't whether something has zero risk, it's whether the people understand the risk and accept it.
PRICK. Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink. Emphasizes individual ownership of the choice.
CNC. Consensual Non-Consent. A scene where one party plays at not consenting, with the underlying consent negotiated in advance. Requires high trust, robust safewords, and explicit limits.
Subspace / topspace. The altered headspaces that can come with intense play — a kind of dissociation or flow state. Both are real; both can be wonderful; both can leave you needing aftercare and a soft landing.
Drop (sub drop / top drop). The emotional crash that can come hours or days after intense play. Both bottoms and tops can experience it. Aftercare helps; staying connected to your partner for a few days helps; eating and sleeping properly helps.
The community-specific
Vetted. An OTT member who has gone through our application and verification process. See the vetting page.
Vetting. Our process of confirming who someone is before granting access to private events.
DM. Dungeon Monitor. Trained safety stewards at play events; orange vests, final say on scene safety. See the volunteering page.
Response Team. The small group who handles incident reports. Distinct from the broader vetter group. See the incident reporting policy.
Plus-one. A non-member brought to an event by a member. Allowed at public events; not allowed at private events.
Outing. Disclosing someone's kink identity, scene name, or presence in the community to people outside it. We don't do it. Ever.
Discretion. The general practice of protecting other community members' privacy. Rule #2 of our Code of Conduct.
The unwelcome
Kink-shaming. Mocking, judging, or dismissing someone for what they're into. Not welcome here. The kinks that aren't welcome are the ones that harm people who haven't consented.
"Yucking someone's yum." The casual version of kink-shaming. "Ew, you're into that?" is the same energy as a slow tire-deflation on someone's enthusiasm. We don't do it.
Predator. Someone who uses the framing of kink to get to people who don't actually consent — usually by ignoring negotiation, escalating without permission, isolating partners, or coercing through power dynamics. The community has a long-standing and sharply-honed skill at spotting this; reports go to the response team.
Term you've heard and don't see here? Email