The words you'll hear, in plain language.
This is a reference for terms that come up around OTT and the broader kink scene. It's not a complete list of human kinks (which would be longer than the site can hold) and it's not the dictionary — it's just enough to make sure you're not lost reading the rest of our pages or sitting in your first munch.
If you hear a word and don't see it here, ask. People love explaining. There's no such thing as a dumb question, and most of these words have more than one definition depending on who's using them.
The people
Top. The person doing a thing to another person in a scene — the rope-tier, the spank-giver, the one applying the wax. Not the same as "dominant" (some tops aren't dominant in their dynamics; they just like the doing side of an activity).
Bottom. The person receiving in a scene — being tied, being spanked, being painted in wax. Again, not the same as "submissive."
Switch. Someone who plays both sides. Sometimes scene-by-scene, sometimes within a single scene. There's nothing flaky about being a switch; it's its own orientation.
Dominant / Dom / Domme. Someone whose orientation involves taking authority in a dynamic. "Dom" and "Domme" are gendered variants you'll hear; many dominants just go by "Dom" regardless of gender.
Submissive / sub. Someone whose orientation involves giving authority in a dynamic. Submission isn't passivity — it's a deliberate, active choice that requires its own skill.
Brat. A submissive who plays with resistance, mischief, and earned punishment. Not the same as "uncooperative" — brats are still consenting; they just consent to a specific dynamic.
Brat tamer. A dominant who plays well with brats. The pairing requires a specific kind of patience and humor.
Primal. Someone whose play involves more instinct than negotiation: chasing, biting, growling, wrestling. Primals can be tops or bottoms; the dynamic is more "animal" than "scripted."
Service submissive. A submissive whose primary expression is service — doing things for their dominant, taking pleasure in being useful. Often non-sexual.
Daddy / Mommy / Sir / Mistress / Master. Honorifics used in some D/s dynamics. Means whatever the people in the dynamic say it means. Don't assume what a relationship looks like from the title.
Vanilla. Non-kinky. Not pejorative — your vanilla friends and family are vanilla, and that's fine. We use it to distinguish kinky-context from non-kinky-context.
Kinkster. Casual catch-all for "person who's into kink." Some people love this word, some find it twee. Both reactions are fine.
Rope bunny / rope bottom. The person being tied. Not a passive role — a good rope bottom knows their own body's warning signs (tingling, numbness, a cold patch) and communicates from deep in a tie. "Rope bunny" is the affectionate community term; "rope bottom" is what the classes say.
Rigger. The person doing the tying in rope play. Rigger and rope bunny are the rope-specific flavors of top and bottom.
Sadist. Someone who enjoys giving intense sensation — consensually, to someone who wants to receive it. Done well it's a craft of calibration and reading, not cruelty.
Masochist. Someone who enjoys receiving pain. Not a disorder — and plenty of bottoms aren't masochists at all, which takes nothing away from either.
D-type / s-type. Umbrella shorthand for the dominant-side and submissive-side roles, for when the specific title (Dom, Master, sub, pet…) doesn't matter to the sentence.
Little. An adult who drops into a younger headspace during age play — for comfort, exuberance, or play. Everyone involved is an adult; the age is a headspace, never a real age.
Caregiver. The adult role holding structure, nurture, and safety for a little — Mommy, Daddy, and many other names. You'll see the pairing written CG/l.
Handler. The human half of a pet-play pairing — the one holding the leash, figuratively or literally.
Keyholder. The partner who controls a chastity device and grants (or cheerfully withholds) permission. It's lent, revocable authority — and it comes with duties: a release plan, a hygiene cadence, and guaranteed emergency access.
The dynamics
D/s. Dominance/submission. Power exchange in a relationship or dynamic.
M/s. Master/slave. A specific, intense form of D/s. The terminology has fraught history outside the community; the kink-context use refers to consensual, negotiated dynamics.
TPE. Total Power Exchange. A D/s dynamic where the submissive has given over decision-making authority broadly. Usually 24/7, usually long-term, usually involves a lot of upfront negotiation.
Power exchange. The umbrella for any dynamic where decision-making authority is shared or transferred in a deliberate way.
Dynamic. The ongoing structure between two (or more) people. Distinct from a scene (which is a specific bounded interaction).
Scene partner / play partner. Someone you do scenes with. May or may not be a romantic or sexual partner.
Polyamory / poly. Having more than one romantic relationship, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Different from "open relationship," "swinging," and "non-monogamy" in subtle ways that polyamorous people care about and outsiders often confuse.
Monogamy. Yes, you can be monogamous and kinky. Lots of OTT members are.
24/7. A dynamic that stays on in daily life rather than per scene. A destination, not a starting point — it's built up from shorter, contained dynamics, and every 24/7 couple still carves out work, family, health, and ordinary life.
Protocol. The agreed behaviors and manners inside a dynamic — how one speaks, stands, serves. Comes in levels, from a few small habits to full formality. Negotiated, never imposed.
High protocol. All the formal protocols on at once — formal address, permission structures, trained positions. An announced, bounded occasion (think formal dinner), not a default setting.
Collar / collaring. The best-known symbol of commitment in a dynamic, traditionally earned in stages (consideration, training, formal). A collar in a public setting means the wearer is spoken for — ask before engaging, and never touch someone's collar.
Contract. A written agreement in a power-exchange dynamic. Useful for clarity, morally binding between the people in it, and never legally enforceable — a guide, not a trap. Anyone can always walk away.
Standing order. A rule that stays in force without being re-issued — what keeps a dynamic running when the dominant isn't in the room.
FLR. Female-led relationship — a power-exchange relationship where a woman leads. One real configuration among many, not a superior shape; everything in it runs the same with the genders swapped.
Femdom. Female domination. The porn version is a costume; the real version is a person doing the genuine, unglamorous labor of leading.
Old Guard. The leather tradition's origin lore — contested history its own chroniclers call oversimplified. There is no canonical rulebook to inherit; fit beats pedigree, every time.
The relationship shapes
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM). The umbrella for any relationship style involving more than two people where everyone knows and has agreed. The "ethical" is the whole difference between an arrangement and a betrayal.
Open relationship. A couple who've agreed one or both can connect sexually (sometimes romantically) outside the pair.
Swinging. Non-monogamy centered on recreational sex, often as a couple at parties or events. Emotional exclusivity is usually the norm; the play is the open part.
Monogamish. Mostly monogamous, with specific negotiated exceptions.
Polycule. The whole connected network of relationships — "poly" plus "molecule."
Metamour. Your partner's other partner. You don't have to be friends; you do have to be respectful.
V / hinge. One person dating two people who aren't involved with each other. The one in the middle is the hinge.
Triad / quad. Three (or four) people all connected to each other. A triad is also called a throuple.
Kitchen-table / parallel poly. Whether the whole network is comfortable around one kitchen table, or the relationships run side by side without socializing. Both are healthy; pick on purpose.
Solo polyamory. Multiple meaningful relationships with your own independence at the center — you are your own primary.
Relationship anarchy. Building each connection from the ground up on what those specific people want, without ranking relationships at all.
Primary / secondary / nesting partner. In hierarchical polyamory, explicit ranking. Your nesting partner is the one you share a home with.
NRE. New Relationship Energy — the euphoric, temporary chemical high of a new connection. Wonderful, and famously hard on existing partners; name it out loud and make no big promises from inside the glow.
Compersion. The warm, genuine happiness at your partner's happiness with someone else. Real and cultivable — and never mandatory, never a moral scoreboard, and never worth faking.
Fluid bonding. Agreeing to barrier-free contact with a specific partner. It links you to everyone they're fluid-bonded with, so it's a decision the whole affected web has a stake in.
Unicorn hunting. A couple searching for one bisexual woman to date them both, on the couple's terms, under rules she didn't write. The reason it has its own eye-rolling term is how often it goes badly.
The events and spaces
Munch. A clothes-on, conversation-only gathering at a coffee shop or restaurant. Public, casual, welcoming to newcomers. The easiest first step into the community.
Wet munch. Same as a munch, but at a bar. Drinking happens in moderation. Same conversational, clothes-on vibe.
Dungeon. A space designed for kink play. Has equipment (cross, bench, suspension rig), proper lighting, ventilation, aftercare space. Not the medieval kind.
Play space. The area of an event where scenes happen.
Aftercare space. A quieter area, usually near the play space, where players can come down from scenes. Blankets, water, snacks.
Game night. A private, social OTT event — board games, mocktails, zero play. The lowest-stakes rung of the private-event ladder (and yes, there's an online version too).
The activities
This is an overview; specific activities have their own classes and their own depth.
Scene. A bounded interaction between players. Has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Negotiated in advance.
Play. Synonym for scene, often used more casually.
Negotiation. The conversation before the scene where players agree on what's going to happen, what's off the table, what the safewords are. The skill we keep teaching because it's the skill that prevents most problems.
Aftercare. The care given after a scene. Can be physical (water, blanket, a quiet space) or emotional (talking, being held, being told you did well). Usually given by the top to the bottom but goes both ways.
Rope / shibari. Bondage with rope. "Shibari" is the Japanese-rooted tradition; "rope" is the catch-all. You'll also hear "kinbaku" for the more erotic, intimate end of the Japanese lineage.
Impact play. Striking the body with the hand or a tool (flogger, paddle, cane, crop). Usually on the safe-to-strike areas (butt, upper back, thighs); not in the dangerous zones (kidneys, spine, neck).
Sensation play. Working with sensation — temperature (hot, cold), texture (fur, silk, ice), anticipation. Often gentler than impact play.
Edge play. An umbrella term for higher-risk activities — knives, fire, breathplay, blood. The "edge" is what's being played near; the responsibility is correspondingly higher. Our working definition: play whose realistic worst case is serious and hard or impossible to reverse.
Primal play. Animalistic, more instinctive — chasing, biting, scratching, growling. Doesn't usually involve formal scene tools.
Service. The submissive doing things for the dominant — making coffee, polishing boots, preparing meals, holding the umbrella. Can be sexual or completely not.
Ritual. Recurring symbolic actions within a dynamic — kneeling before entering a room, asking permission to leave, wearing a collar. Means whatever the people in the dynamic intend it to mean.
Sensory deprivation. Removing one or more senses — blindfold, headphones, restraint that limits movement. Often combined with other forms of play to deepen them. Built one sense at a time, with one channel always kept open.
Suspension. Tying someone in a way that lifts them off the ground. High-risk activity that requires extensive training; not something we teach in a first-time class.
Bondage. The art of restraint — cuffs, straps, tape, rope, furniture. The helplessness is a feeling you create; the safety is a way out you keep: never restrain someone you can't free in seconds, and never leave them alone.
Mummification / encasement. Cocooning the body in wraps or a sleepsack — deeply calming for some, full sensory deprivation for others. Overheating is the big risk; time limits and a cool room are the craft.
Predicament bondage. Restraint that sets up a no-win puzzle — two options, each its own discomfort. Experienced-players territory, and the top always owns the way out.
Escapology. The bondage game of escaping well-made restraint. Getting loose is the game working, not failing.
Spanking. The classic. The hand is many tools — cupped for thud, flat for sting — and over-the-knee is as much psychology as technique.
Flogging. Impact with a many-tailed flogger — from rainfall-soft to deep and heavy. Its breadth makes it the forgiving one to learn.
Caning. Thin rattan rod, bright sting, lasting stripes, real skill. Strokes come slow — ten to twenty seconds apart — because the sensation blooms in waves.
Wax play. Dripping candle wax for heat. The craft is temperature control: purpose-made or plain soy or paraffin candles only (never beeswax, never "dripless"), drip height as the dial, and every candle tested on your own skin first.
Fire play. A thin film of 70% isopropyl alcohol lit and put out fast on skin. Edge play with exact rules — the 30% water is the safety margin, a dedicated fire warden watches, never solo — and its class is the only sane way in.
Temperature play. Heat and cold as sensation — wax, ice, chilled steel. Keep cold moving ("trail it, don't park it"), and dry ice never touches skin.
Knife play. Cold steel, the spine and flat of a blade, fear and trust — and no cutting. The moment skin breaks it's a different activity with different training.
Trace play. Deliberate shallow cutting and blood-lining — sensation and temporary "sand art," not scarification. Gated behind the bloodborne-pathogens class.
Blood play. Play that works with drawn blood. The wound is rarely the danger; the blood is — bloodborne disease can't be taken back with a safeword. Bloodborne class first, always.
Needle play / play piercing. Temporary piercings with sterile single-use needles, removed at scene's end. Sterile everything, sharps bin ready, bloodborne class first.
Medical play. Clinical role-play — the exam-room frame, the gown, "for your own good" authority. Our 101 line: nothing goes inside the body; everything invasive lives in the 201 class with hard prerequisites.
E-stim. Electrical play with TENS-type units. Firm beginner rule: everything below the waist, nothing that could route current across the chest. Purpose-built units only, and pacemakers or any implanted electronics are an absolute no.
Violet wand. A crackling Tesla-coil toy that plays on the skin's surface — soft glow to sharp snap. Its own class, and the same absolute no-list: implants, serious heart conditions, pregnancy, seizure disorders.
CBT / CPT. Genital torment — cock-and-ball or clit-and-vulva: pressure, clamps, temperature, light impact. Taught for both bodies side by side, with the shortest time limits and closest watch in the toolkit.
Tease and denial. Building arousal on purpose with no intent to deliver. Give a bit, take it back.
Edging. Riding a partner to the brink of orgasm and holding there or backing off, repeatedly.
Orgasm control. The umbrella: edging, denial, permission protocols, ruined and forced orgasms — each its own explicit negotiation.
Chastity. Controlling access to orgasm, often with a locked device, always actually with trust — most devices can be defeated; the real lock is the commitment. See keyholder.
Pegging / strap-on play. Penetration with a worn toy — any gender wearing, any gender receiving. Craft points: generous lube, go slow (resistance is a wall, not a door), and anything anal has a flared base, no exceptions.
Foot worship. Reverent, focused attention to feet — one of the most common kinks in the world, and it fits any role. The 201 class adds bootblacking, trampling, and the rest.
Humiliation play. Taking a word or situation the world calls shameful and — inside a bubble of trust and affection — flipping it into arousal. Negotiated around the feeling, not the act, and always followed by the build-back-up.
Praise kink. The gentle inverse — being held in place and sincerely complimented until you squirm.
Sissification. Feminization play. Its ethical line, straight from the class: the kernel can be objectification, gender play, or tenderness — never the idea that being a woman, femme, trans, or queer is itself degrading.
CFNM. "Clothed female, naked male" — though the letters don't lock the genders. The portable idea is clothed-versus-naked as a power contrast, no equipment required.
Cuckolding. A dynamic running on the dominant's right to another lover and the sub's eroticized "inadequacy." A powder keg for romantically attached couples; the classes treat it as deep-end material.
Role play. Negotiated make-believe — an imagined situation, a replayed memory, or becoming someone else entirely. The imagination supplies the heat; the agreement is the whole game.
Age play. Adults playing with age as a dynamic — a younger headspace (see little), an older one, or caregiving. Adults only, always, with a hard house line: the childlike comfort headspaces are never sexual, and nothing ever involves, depicts, or sexualizes actual minors.
Pet play. Becoming a pup, kitten, or pony — persona, gear, handler dynamics. Distinct from primal play, which is a headspace you drop into rather than a costume you put on.
Fear play. Borrowing terror on purpose — real fear, fake danger, with the top guarding the danger. The paradox is the appeal.
Mind games / mindfuck. Making someone believe something is happening that isn't — manufactured uncertainty as sensation. One absolute: never play around a real phobia. That's panic, not play.
Flesh hook play. Energy pulls, hook pulls, and suspension from temporary piercings. The deep end of the sharps ladder — crew-based (piercer, rigger, spotters), never improvised. Our class is safety literacy, not a how-to.
Watersports. Urine play. You'll hear the word; there's no OTT class for it yet.
Sensual touch. Slow, attentive, no-agenda touch — presence as the skill. Yes, it's a class; yes, it counts.
Breath play. Restricting breathing or blood flow. OTT's honest position: our classes teach no method, because the community's own consensus is that there isn't a reliably safe one — the risks are brain injury, cardiac arrest, and death. This is a house do-not, not a "negotiate harder."
The toys and tools
Flogger. A handle plus falls (the tails). Suede whispers; heavy leather lands like weather. The forgiving implement to learn on.
Paddle. Rigid and broad — hard thud with little feedback to the wielder, which is exactly why it's easy to overdo.
Cane. Thin rattan — the safe cane material, because it bends and breaks clean. A drying cane rattles on impact; retire it when it does.
Riding crop. Precise and sharply stinging, and the tip is no joke anywhere near a face.
Single-tail. The bullwhip family — one concentrated point at the end of a long line. Expert-only: an inch of aim error becomes a foot at the tip.
St. Andrew's cross. The X-shaped frame you get restrained to, standing, arms up.
Spanking bench. The padded sawhorse you kneel over.
Spreader bar. A rigid bar keeping wrists or ankles apart. It takes the bottom's balance with it — plan accordingly.
Cuffs. Padded leather or neoprene with quick-release buckles beat metal handcuffs — and metal cuffs must double-lock, or they keep ratcheting tighter.
Gag. Removes speech, so it requires a practiced non-verbal signal before it goes in. Ball, bit, ring, and more — every one is an airway consideration, never an accessory.
Hood. From open-face to full sensory isolation. It never restricts breathing, and many people who love blindfolds can't do hoods — build up.
Blindfold. The single best intensity multiplier in the toolkit, per the sensation class. Cheap, reversible, transformative.
Bondage tape. Sticks to itself, not to skin or hair. The only tape that belongs on a body.
Clamps. Clothespins to Japanese clovers. The removal is the loudest moment — blood coming back — and skin color governs the time limit, not the clock.
Zipper. A cord of clothespins pulled off in one motion. Roughly ten times the removal intensity; fleshy areas only, warned bottoms only.
Wartenberg wheel. The spiked pinwheel. Feather-light it tingles; pressed, it can break thin skin — so it's one wheel per person, never shared.
Chastity cage. The best-known chastity device. Discomfort, never pain; sized so it always comes off; and a spare-key plan exists before it ever locks.
Safety shears. Blunt-tipped EMT shears that slide under rope or cloth without cutting skin. Within reach before the first wrap goes on — in an emergency you cut, you don't untie.
Panic snap. Hardware that releases under load with one hand — the true quick-release for anything holding weight.
Hard point. The anchor a tie hangs from. It's either rated and tested, or it's not an anchor.
Pervertible. Any everyday object promoted to play duty — the wooden spoon, the bag of clothespins. The community's oldest budget trick.
Sharps container. The rigid biohazard bin that is the only place a used needle goes. Never recap a used needle.
Aftercare bag. The pre-packed kit — water, sugar and protein, blanket, warm socks, wipes, a comfort item — so good aftercare never depends on what's lying around. Tops pack one too.
The principles
Consent. Negotiated, enthusiastic, ongoing, and revocable. "Yes" can be withdrawn at any moment. So can the activity. Consent is what makes kink possible.
Safeword. A pre-agreed word or signal that means "stop the scene." The point of a safeword is that it works even when other words might be part of the scene (e.g., "no" might be a scene word for some couples). Common scheme: green (everything's good), yellow (slow down or check in), red (stop now).
Hard limit. Something you absolutely will not do, ever, with anyone. Hard limits are non-negotiable.
Soft limit. Something you might do but only in specific circumstances, with specific people, with specific framings. Soft limits are negotiable.
RACK. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. The framework that says: everything involves some risk; participants should know it, accept it, and consent to it.
SSC. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. An older framework. Most of us prefer RACK because "safe" is misleading — the question isn't whether something has zero risk, it's whether the people understand the risk and accept it.
PRICK. Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink. Emphasizes individual ownership of the choice.
CNC. Consensual Non-Consent. A scene where one party plays at not consenting, with the underlying consent negotiated in advance. Requires high trust, robust safewords, and explicit limits.
Subspace / topspace. The altered headspaces that can come with intense play — a kind of dissociation or flow state. Both are real; both can be wonderful; both can leave you needing aftercare and a soft landing.
Drop (sub drop / top drop). The emotional crash that can come hours or days after intense play. Both bottoms and tops can experience it. Aftercare helps; staying connected to your partner for a few days helps; eating and sleeping properly helps.
FRIES. The consent floor: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific. Miss any one and what you have isn't consent.
Informed consent. A yes with real understanding of the risks — distinct from just a yes. For edge play the bar rises: you personally own knowing what can go wrong before your yes counts.
Non-verbal signal. The wordless safeword — a dropped object, two sharp taps, a hand-squeeze pattern — agreed and practiced before anything takes speech away: a gag, a role, deep headspace, a freeze. If the voice can fail, the signal is mandatory.
Check-in. Mid-scene contact: "color?", "squeeze my hand." House law: there is no such thing as ruining a scene with a check-in — if a check-in could break it, it was already breaking.
Yes/No/Maybe list. The negotiation tool: each person marks activities yes, no, or maybe, then you compare. The maybes are where the conversation lives. (The site has a Yes/No/Maybe tool — use it.)
Safe call. A check-in arrangement with a friend outside the scene — someone who knows where you are and expects to hear from you by a set time.
Advance consent. Consent given ahead of time to specific negotiated acts — the structure underneath CNC and similar dynamics. It's real consent only while it stays revocable in the instant: safewords never sleep.
Tasting. The edge-play on-ramp: a small, controlled sample — one needle, a few seconds — judged including how you feel the next day. Anyone unwilling to start with a taste is telling you something.
Do-not. House term for activities we don't teach with precautions — we simply don't teach them. Breath play is the canonical example.
The no-first-timers rule. Edge play with someone brand-new to the space is a consent problem even with an eager yes — a first-timer can't yet be informed. The responsibility to decline sits with the more experienced person.
Hard sobriety. Edge play runs sober — no alcohol, no substances, no exceptions, both sides.
Universal precautions. Treat every person's blood as infectious — always, everyone, no exceptions for trusted partners.
Harm reduction. The honest frame for the risky end: reduce harm rather than pretend it away — including saying "don't" when that's the honest answer.
Bystander consent. The people around you never agreed to be part of your scene. Keep play in play spaces, and never draft an onlooker into a dynamic.
The body
Warm-up. The non-negotiable start of impact play: cold tissue injures easily, so begin light and build over minutes. The ending tapers the same way.
Thuddy vs. stingy. The two families of impact sensation: deep dull pressure that sinks into muscle, versus bright surface bite. The first negotiation vocabulary most bottoms learn.
Wrap. The tip of a flogger, cane, or whip curling past the target onto hip, ribs, or worse — the classic impact mistake. Aim for the center of the zone and step back as power rises.
No-hit zones. Kidneys and lower back, spine, tailbone, neck and throat, joints, backs of knees. Pleasure never moves a no-hit zone, no matter how a request is framed.
Marks. Welts and bruises get negotiated in advance — where they're allowed and whether visible ones are okay at all. Unintended broken skin ends the scene.
Nerve compression. The most common serious rope injury, and dangerous precisely because it's often painless while it happens. Tingling, numbness, a cold "dead" patch, weakness: that wrap comes off now — you don't wait to see if it passes.
Circulation check. Press until the skin blanches, release — color should return in about two seconds. Paired with function tests (squeeze my hand, make an OK sign) every few minutes, not once.
Positional asphyxia. Breathing restricted by body position or weight — no hands near the neck required. The quiet killer of restraint play: chest and belly stay free to expand, and face-down or folded positions get extra respect.
Pain vs. damage. Pain can be big, loud, and completely fine; damage feels different — electric, numb, cold, wrong. Learning your own difference is core bottoming skill; saying it out loud is the job.
Headspace. The catch-all for the altered state a scene puts you in — subspace, little space, primal, patient, pet. Getting in is play; getting out is part of the scene, not an afterthought.
Little space. The younger headspace of age play. Coming back up is disorienting and leaves a person vulnerable, so the landing is planned like part of the scene — because it is.
Frenzy. The overwhelming new-to-kink urge to do everything at once, with anyone offering. It impairs judgment and it's exactly what predators watch for. The fix is deliberate slowness — there is no top shortage and no sub shortage.
Topping from the bottom. Covertly steering the whole scene while pretending to hand over control. Distinct from communicating needs and limits — which is just good bottoming — and never a label used to silence a safety concern.
Grounding. Bringing someone back to here-and-now after fear, trauma, or deep headspace: real names, your real voice, light, breath, steady touch.
Trigger / landmine. The word, touch, position, or smell that lands on an old wound. Negotiation asks for the map, never the war story — "that word is off-limits" is a complete disclosure.
Dissociation. "Lights on, nobody home" — a trauma response, not enjoyment and not consent. A gone-blank partner is a stop-and-ground, every time.
Bleed. When a role starts steering the person playing it — agreeing to things from inside the character. Slow down, use real names, ask plain out-of-character questions.
Vasovagal response. The body's faint reflex — from pain spikes, needles, the sight of blood, or just locked knees. Pale, sweaty, dizzy means lie them down now; play that can trigger it happens seated or lying down.
Debrief. The what-worked conversation, held later, once everyone is regulated — never while someone is still raw.
Next-day check-in. A follow-up a day or two after intense play — one text genuinely counts. Drop can arrive on a delay, for tops as much as bottoms.
Bloodborne pathogens. Hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HIV — the reason every skin-breaking discipline sits behind the Bloodborne & Aseptic class. (If sharps are in your future, get the hep B vaccine.)
Aseptic technique. The discipline of keeping everything that enters a body sterile: hand hygiene, gloves, skin prep, single-use sharps, a clean field.
Single-use. Never reused, never shared: needles, lancets, blades, hooks. Sterility comes from the sealed package, not the kitchen.
Porous vs. non-porous. The toy-cleaning divide: silicone, glass, and steel can be truly sanitized and shared; leather, rope, and wood can't — those stay with one person or behind a barrier.
The community-specific
Vetted. An OTT member who has gone through our application and verification process. See the vetting page.
Vetting. Our process of confirming who someone is before granting access to private events.
DM. Dungeon Monitor. Trained safety stewards at play events; orange vests, final say on scene safety. See the volunteering page.
Response Team. The small group who handles incident reports. Distinct from the broader vetter group. See the incident reporting policy.
Plus-one. A non-member brought to an event by a member. Allowed at public events; not allowed at private events.
Outing. Disclosing someone's kink identity, scene name, or presence in the community to people outside it. We don't do it. Ever.
Discretion. The general practice of protecting other community members' privacy. Rule #2 of our Code of Conduct.
Foundations. The four entry classes — Consent, Negotiation, Safety 101, Community 101 — open the moment you apply. The floor everything else stands on.
Skills & Deeper Cuts. The class tracks past Foundations: Skills for the hands-on crafts (rope, impact, wax…), Deeper Cuts for edge play (knives, needles, fire, CNC…), each gated behind the intro it builds on.
Welcome Crew. The rotating volunteers whose whole job is greeting new people at events. Lower-stakes than a host — and if something feels off, Welcome Crew is a channel.
Host. The member running an event — the routing point for concerns before anything goes to a public channel.
Mentor. A more-experienced member matched to a newer one, on request. Explicitly a teaching relationship: it never requires play, and drift toward "play as part of the learning" is a named warning sign.
Fetch a DM. The house reflex when a scene worries you: quietly tell the DM or host what you saw and where — never approach the players yourself. An honest maybe is enough.
Incident report. The path when something needs more than the people in the room. No proof or certainty required; reports are acknowledged within 24 hours, and the reporter chooses how much to share.
Scene name. The name you use in the community. Doesn't have to be the one on your debit card — and once your legal name is out, it can't be taken back.
KAP / kink-aware professional. A therapist, doctor, or lawyer who won't need kink explained or defended. The NCSF keeps a directory; it's the standing referral when play touches something real.
Chosen family. The people who know exactly what you are and think nothing of it.
The unwelcome
Kink-shaming. Mocking, judging, or dismissing someone for what they're into. Not welcome here. The kinks that aren't welcome are the ones that harm people who haven't consented.
"Yucking someone's yum." The casual version of kink-shaming. "Ew, you're into that?" is the same energy as a slow tire-deflation on someone's enthusiasm. We don't do it.
Predator. Someone who uses the framing of kink to get to people who don't actually consent — usually by ignoring negotiation, escalating without permission, isolating partners, or coercing through power dynamics. The community has a long-standing and sharply-honed skill at spotting this; reports go to the response team.
Gaslighting. Corroding someone's grip on reality on purpose, over time. Play-confusion is negotiated, bounded, and deliberately reversed in aftercare; gaslighting is none of those. Abuse, not kink.
Coercive control. Location tracking, curfews, food logs, proof-of-compliance demands presented as "dominance." Real dynamics run on given authority — where "no" stays costless. Fear-based obedience is the predator's structure wearing a Dominant's vocabulary.
Head games. Nonconsensual lying — only the liar agreed. Distinguished from a negotiated mindfuck by exactly one thing: consent.
One-true-wayism. Claims that there's a single legitimate way to run a dynamic, usually dressed up as pedigree ("trained in the old ways"). There is no canonical rulebook. Fit beats pedigree.
Term you've heard and don't see here? Email